Wednesday, July 4, 2012
As different paths take us down the road to our already determined fate, I sit here and wander how I got to be who I am. Blessed and happy with this life I realize that it is I who has defined who I have become. There are these great memories I have that have shaped the person I have become and my greatest fear in all of this world is that some divine power will one day take them away from me. I am not a person who needs large materialistic things but cherishes the small details that most people take for granted. The smile of excitement on your face at the moment you see me, or the phone call just to say "Hello." Even though I am eternally greatful for the gifts that have already been bestowed upon me I can't help but miss a piece of my former self. I miss the fun I used to have with my girlfriends before life became responsible and at times very demanding, but I would not trade it for anything in the world for the emotion and love I feel inside when my nephew sees me and runs directly into my arms. Funny how the road of compromise never leads to paths that cross often. What does it take to have the best of both worlds.....something always have to give a little in order for it to work. On the flip side of things moments of impact can also be just as upsetting as happy. The moment when you and your best friend get into a fight and it rips your inside to shreds, or learning that the person you love the most in this world is never going to be in your life again. These also change us and mold us if we let them. Somethings just don't always fit. I have found that I seem to just fit into many peoples lives sadly they do not always fit into mine. These are moments when I realize the individuals are here for a reason and if they stay that moment of impact rises, and a part of me blossoms. I love that feeling. I fear of that moment of impact is going to rise up again in the very near future, which could potentially be so impactful that it may only elude itself to be a memory. The idea of that is very fearful but the path to happiness tells me that it will be a road I must travel down. As I reflect on many roads once traveled I reflect on the feelings of heartache and resistance at the love I had that ended and the friendships lost along the way only to bring me to a better place. Oh the irony. The person inside finally told me to look at the people I love and walk away. The time shared was special and life altering but now intended to be over for new growth to take place. Through this I find comfort in my belief of if something, anything is meant to be it will always be. It may be delayed but nothing can stop it. Happiness is something we create and sometimes, more often than not, we sacrifice our selves for fear of losing the things we love. How often we forget that if they are destined to leave they will no matter what decisions are made. Our destiny is already decided & the road we take to achieve its outcome is the journey to greatness within us. It is the things we are ashamed of, proud of, and the things we have chosen to live with or without. All of it boils down to "Moments," of impact that define who we are. I hope I never forget that.