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Sunday, September 2, 2012

Greatful beyond belief.......

     There comes a time in every girls life when she feels special, inside and out.  She is surrounded by her friends and family and the ones that love her the most in this life.  For me that time happened on my birthdays.  I can remember when I was a little girl having 6 very special people always there to wish me happy birthday wishes and making me feel like I was the most important person in this world.  The last time I felt "that" kind of special I was almost 10 years ago.  The last time I was in the presence of those 6 people seems so very long ago.  Who are these special people you ask.  Well they were my grandparents, my mom, and my great grandma (G.G.).  Every wonderful moment I ever had included them in it, but as we get older those special people get older too.  One day we wake up and they are gone.  I feel blessed to still have half of them in my life.  The other three I constantly find myself wishing for just one more day, one more moment, but most of all I wish I could be in their arms just one more time.  Funny how you forgot they were in the same room with you when we were little but now its is very apparent that they are gone.  Growing up I had an amazing family both on my mom's side as well as my dad's I was very close to them.  Now when I look the non immediate family members I see my grandma through her sister's eyes.  I hear her through their voices, I feel her with their hugs.  It is almost as though the closest thing to having her on my birthday was bringing me them so even if only for a minute I would hear her, see her, and feel her one more time.  My grandpa used to give these really amazing hugs, they held on to you so tight you felt safe from whatever the world could do to hurt you.  My aunt and uncle came in from london to celebrate with me and when my uncle hugged me I felt my grandpa.  It was the same hug,  I didn't want to let him go and found myself hugging him at random times during his visit just so feel that feeling one more time.  The one person I have yet to feel like I can still feel is my great grandma.  I miss her the most sometimes.  I always felt this unspoken bond with her, it was undescibable something I have always wished I would get again.  I finally got it.  I didn't get a tangible feeling though.  It was not someone I could give a hug, or see their eyes, or hear a voice even.  It was not until the next morning, I got up to say goodbye to Greg and Karen and I remember thinking I felt very selfish because I was praying they would stay forever. When the car pulled away I went inside crying my eyes out and sat on the floor of the big living room looking out my big double glass french doors and there were the blue jays.  Call me crazy but she always told me Blue Jays were symbolic of goodness and protectors.  They look over their nests even from afar.  There they were sitting on the brick in my back yard staring me in the face as if a way to let me know that she was there.  Funny I always wanted the people that meant the most to me to be together again and even though I couldn't have everyone I am greatful for the ones I got.  I sometimes get lost in my life and some think I forget about them.....I never forget about anyone important to me I have now and always will love each and every one of you.  Just know that you being here was the best gift you could ever give to me.  So here is for today as well as forever and always.  


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