Who Am I?

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Too many thoughts to not get them onto a blog!

Monday, August 29, 2011

The 29th Year.....

What can I say, this last week has been amazing. Week started off with a surprise performance from 100 Monkeys inside of my store, autograph signing, and group picture.  Topped off with a live performance at "Slims," in San Francisco with the girls.  What an amazing night!  The next couple of days were just all around great times.  I spend my actual Birthday with one on my bestest friends who took me to a spectacular lunch and ending with a beer enjoying the live performance of "Sugarland."  There are no words to describe how great they are.  Their music has some how changed my life and given me a realization of who am and who I still want to be.  The music has not stopped since their performance.  Saturday night topped everything off with a great evening of laughter, and some of the most amazing friendships I never have had before.  Who would have ever thought bowling would be so much fun. And if all of this wasn't enough, the rest of the evening got that much better.  Whole world can change in a minute.  Happiness is something we create and I'm not settlin for anything less than everything. <3

Monday, August 1, 2011

Everything, For You!

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind.  I can withhold like its going out of style.  I can be the moodiest baby, and you've never met anyone who is as negative as I can be sometimes.  I'm the wisest woman you have ever met.  I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected. I have the bravest heart you have ever seen and you've never met anyone who is as positive as I am sometimes.  You see everything, you see every part, you see all my light and you love my dark.  You dig everything of which Im ashamed.  Theres not anything to which you can't relate  And YOU'RE still here.  I blame everyone else, not my own partaking.  My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating.  I'm terrified and mistrusting.  And you have never met anyone as closed down as I am sometimes. You see everything, you see every part, you see all my light and you love my dark.  You dig everything of which Im ashamed.  Theres not anything to which you can't relate  And YOU'RE still here.  What I resist, persists and speaks louder than I know.  What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go.  I'm the funniest woman you've ever known, I'm the dullest woman you've ever known.  I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known.  And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.You see everything, you see every part, you see all my light and you love my dark.  You dig everything of which Im ashamed.  Theres not anything to which you can't relate  And YOU'RE still here.  YOU'RE still here.  YOU'RE still here.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Funny How things change....

Recently, I saw you!  In fact, I fought to see you.  You were the one who was hesitant but I needed to know one more time if what I am trying to accomplish is really what I want.  See I met someone, who is amazing, someone I could really be myself around, someone who is willing to just "BE," with me.  Before I royally f*ck up this amazing relationship that is blossoming, I needed to know if I could really be over you.  Seeing you would normally make me go weak in the knees and make my heart skip a beat, but not this time.  This time I felt like I was doing something horrible.  I used to wish that you would want and desire me more than I would you and now that day has come and I want it with someone else.  Funny how things change.  I am looking for the person who can't stop thinking about me....The person who loves me not more than I love them but equally loving each other. Someone who will let me free but trully go crazy inside until my return.  Im looking for "The One."  I wish you all the blessings that this life can bring in this world and the next and hope the next time I run into you it is not uncomfortable, hopefully you will be as happy as I always hoped you would be.  Goodbye my Lover, Goodbye my Friend. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

When I look to the Sky..........

So today was an amazing morning.  I spent it with my beautiful nephew who makes me laugh until my abdomin hurts and he is only 2.  When he left I began to do a couple of things that I had needed to get done and stumbled across an old picture of my aunt and grandmother.  Because I actually stopped to look at it for more than a few seconds I started crying uncontrollably.  I miss her so much.  She was my rock in this life.  When it rains it pours and opens doors that floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry.  Well I feel like not only is my floor flooded but at times I am drowning in everything I consider to be "Less than Perfect."  Today started off amazing and turned into another day that was not as expected.  I find myself trying to correct every mistake that I have made up until this point of my life and still feel as if I am getting kicked in the ass.  In fact I know I am.  I finally sat down facing my huge french doors of my living room and looked outside.  I closed my eyes and said you need to not be so hard on yourself.  Just as my grandma would.  "You will get everything worked out."  I always did because she was there to believe in me.  When I look to the sky, something tells me you're here with me and you make everything alright.  When I feel like there is know one that will ever know me, here you are to show me.  I felt like I was lost, so I picked up the phone called my mother, Just to say Hi, and felt like you just showed me my way, all because I look to you.....in the sky. I believe in myself.

Monday, March 7, 2011

A sense of Accomplishment.....

Yesterday afternoon I recieved some amazing news.  I recently applied for a position in another store that would be a promotion (and a big one at that).  The company I work for has said districts and within those districts there lies a shining star.  When the light for that star burns out there needs to be a fix implemented that has the ability to affect change.  If one possess the power to achieve such an outrageous victory, the endeavour is greater than anyone has ever seen.  Needless to say I have been chosen for this task.  I am so excited and scared.  For years I have wanted to be in the spotlight and have others see the great things I can do and now I have my chance.  This is such an amazing sense of accomplishment I didn't ever think I would get back.  I'm up for the challenge and can't wait to see what this journey brings.  Here we go....

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Embrace It........

My facebook post today stated "I am determined to have an amazing day today!  Lets embrace what the day brings." <3 Boy do I ever need the courage to live by this statement.  So my job that pays the rent has the best way of enhancing my want and need to finish school.  For any of you who know me, you will know that I give 110% when I care about something and lately in the work realm I just don't want to give it.  Why do we get caught up in a job or a life that is not making us happy?  Could it be that the job is enhancing a part of our life that would not be there without it? Or is it comfortability?  Hmm  I sit here and wander just what it is for me.  I look at where I am at my age and think What to do now?  (Hence the title of my blog)  I want to be done with school which will require less at work.....it can be done though.  Really want to buy a house....which is possible if I absolutely save everything I make.  So I made a list of all the things I want and/or need.  I am going to just cross them off one at a time and embrace this new way of life.  Here is to a new year and a new me.  Embrace It!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Great People in my Life.....

I have some of the most amazing people in my life.  I don't always tell them enough but I love them.  They bring out the very best in me.   I have the most amazing sister.  I never realized that when we were younger but now looking back on when we were kids I can't imagine how we ever fought.  Jess, You give me so much strength and a strong will to be a better person each and every day.  I am so proud of the person that you have become in your life and only pray that each of your days get better.  Thank You for being such a significant part in my life. I Love You!

Music to Soothe My Soul.....

My Recipe for a Stressful Evening

1 bottle of Ballatore Gran Spumante Sparkling Wine
1 to 2 hours in a hot bath
2 cucumber slices over the eyes
1 bottle of Twilight Woods Bubble Bath
1 Ipod with a playlist titled "Music to Soothe My Soul."

Angel Eyes                         Jeff Healy Band
The Best is Yet to Come     Hinder
Bohemian Rhapsody           Queen
Bottle it Up                         Sara Bareilles
Breathe (2am)                    Anna Nalick
By your Side                      Sade
Champagne Supernova      Oasis
City                                   Sara Barielles
Come in with the Rain        Taylor Swift
Every Breath you take       The Police
(Everything I do) I do it for you     Bryan Adams
Fall into Me                      Emerson Drive
Fat Bottomed Girls           Queen
Fearless                           Taylor Swift
Gotta Be Somebody        Nickelback
Half Moon Bay               Train
Hate my life                    Theory of a Deadman
No other Love                  Heart
Heaven                             D.J. Sammy
When you love someone     Bryan Adams
I breathe in, I breathe out     Chris Cagle
I can't help falling in love with you     UB40
I run to you                   Lady Antebellum
I'd Come for you          Nickelback
If it makes you happy     Sheryl Crow
Jar of Hearts     Christina Perri
Last Kiss     Taylor Swift
Life After You     Daughtry
Lost     Faith Hill
Lost in this moment     Big and Rich
My heart is Open     Keith Urban
My next 30 years     Tim McGraw
Paperweight    Dear John Soundtrack
Parachute     Ingrid Michaelsen
Remember When     Alan Jackson
Right Where I need to be     Gary Allen
Maggie May     Rod Stewart
Smile     Uncle Kracker
The Story of Us     Taylor Swift
Take my Breath Away     Berlin
This Kind of Love     Sister Hazel
This Year's Love     David Gray
What Might have been     Little Texas
When I look at you     Miley Cyrus
Without You     Hinder
Words     Train
Don't let me Stop you     Kelly Clarkson
Long Shot     Kelly Clarkson
When I look to the Sky     Train

Tonight I am going to have this Recipe.....Ah Can't Wait.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Resolution Mode Day 2

At 7:30am this morning my wonderful alarm goes off and wakes me out of my blissful sleep for yet another day at the gym.  Its my day off and a friend has said that she wanted to get up and go to one of the classes that our gym offers.  I agreed.  Not such a bad idea except I have come to hate waking up early so this was hell for me.  Instead of getting out of bed to start getting ready I send my friend a text to verify that we will still be going in as planned.  Sure enough its a go and I'm thinking, "Oh! eff My Life."  I get up and have a huge glass of water getting ready and meet her there.  When we arrive 15 minutes early we see the class is already full and not available. "Now we know to come earlier," she says.  Well we are already up and hungry so instead of my strenuous work out we go to have a not so healthy breakfast then back to the grind to meet with the personal trainer.  Feeling horrible about the breakfast I had eaten I signed up for a personal trainer and decided that now I am really going to be getting even more focused than I already was.   I lost 3 more pounds today making it a grand total of 16 in 3 weeks.  Things are getting off to a great start.  No more delicious breakfasts for me though.  Woosh!  Thank You 3 more pounds off.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Resolution Mode.....

So as I began this year I wrote out a list of Resolutions that I wanted to achieve within the next year.  On this list it included the usual losing weight, getting out of debt and organizing my life. These are the same resolutions I have had for the last couple of years.  So, why now am I wanting to really act on them.  Well!  I was looking in the mirror the other day and thought to myself, "I hate my legs and thighs."  Time to do something about it.  So I joined the Gym and are starting a nutritional plan.  Being healthy is not easy and is going to take a mental mode switch to focus.  I need to focus and I am going to lose weight. 80 pounds to start and 150 to finish.  So here is to the start of a new blog and a new me.  Hopefully everyone will look to read my blogs and walk down this path with me.  More blogs to come.