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Thursday, April 25, 2013

Thankful for such an extraordinary life....

With my last final vastly approaching tomorrow morning, and excitement of the semester being over, I find a large amount of excitement running through me.  Why this level of excitement, I ask?  I have been on the right path for some time now and what an amazing feeling it is. Nearly six months ago I made one of the boldest decisions of my life. I stopped doing what was comfortable and made a commitment to change. I quit the job I had worked so hard at for 10 years to do what I originally set out to do. I chose to find a new job and go back to school. This was a terrifying realization for me.  The fear of failure sat so high with in me that I forgot to do what makes me happy.  "Happy!" Something many do not know about me is that I hold my beliefs very close at heart. I believe that "Happiness is Something we Create!"  Funny because for the first time I was so far away from this belief that I had lost myself somewhere between the Past and Present.  Scary place to find yourself when you're 30.  I needed to re-evaluate, I needed to re-think my choices, and above all I needed to make some hard decisions. New job and back to school was just the beginning, now I needed to dig into some of the hard things, I needed to re-assess "Me."  I have found that I am holding on to anger and resentment in so many areas.  I finally sat down one day and made a list of everything that made me unhappy in some way.  The list scared me because dealing with this meant going back to places inside I had hoped to never re-visit again. My relationships with loved ones was at an all time low, my love life was severely painful, I found that I had been hiding behind myself making people believe I was happy when I wasn't and finally realized that it was time. For so long I have been taking care of people, doing for people, loving people, and getting so little from the things I was doing that I was in fact drained with everything.  Fighting for the moment where the weights I was holding on my shoulders wouldn't be so heavy.  I felt like I had a responsibility and obligation to take care of others and forgot that I had a responsibility and obligation to take care of myself.  I felt selfish for wanting to find my own Happiness when it felt as though that same Happiness would be taken away from someone else. Now I have come to terms with knowing its not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make my happiness a priority.  I have learned that it is necessary.  Many have disagreed with this decision and sadly they have not been able to remain in my life. I wish them well and hope they too find the same Happiness that I will continue to develop everyday.  Your place in my life will never be forgotten because you have been part of the reason for this bold decision to be happy. For that I Thank You.  For my friends, you know who you are, I keep you close at heart making memories with you every chance I get...And to my wonderful Family it is because of you that I am who I am today and the biggest reason why I am so Thankful for such and extraordinary life. <3

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